Strange women distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
Sometimes I feel like this song describes my life at certain points perfectly
The hardest things about a new friendship is trying to find out the boundary for jokes.
no but seriously i have this text post stuck in my sketchbook it genuinely motivates me to do art
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
Alice has been one of my best friends since I dated her back in 10th grade. She is one the most badass, not giving a fuck chicks I know. Life has gone on, and we have remained friends throughout our lives. THrough heart break and heart ache. She has always been one of the most honest people I know to a fault, which often acts like a knife stabbing you in the heart. Many times I feel like a I love her more than friendship, but it goes back and forth for me, as I feel it does for her as well. We have gone back and forth at this for the past five years, I like her when she doing something with someone, or single with no one. For her it seems to only be whenever I am with some one else and she is single, its like Im forbidden fruit and she wants me back. It is one of the most frustrating battles of my life, as around a month ago I realized I’m absolutely in love with her more than anything in this world. This is a chick I would literally go to the ends of the world for, but I can’t tell her as she is one of my best friends. All I wish is to tell her how I feel as we are both single, yet she is moving back across the country on wednesday. All I’m hoping is that on that day, before she gets on the plane to leave for I don’t know how long, I get up the balls and stop being a pussy about it and tell her, “the reason I put up with all of your bullshit, all of your mean spirited ness, all of the pain, the teasing, and living in this personal hell I’ve been in with you for the past two weeks, not being able to touch or kiss you, its all because I love you with all of my heart and soul. And that Key I gave to you is not only the key to Wonderland, but the key to my heart, which is and always will be yours to keep and hold.”
God Im a sorry sap. why is it I always want what I can’t have. It’s the worst feeling in the world, to have your guts ripped out day after day, just to got to bed with the one who did it, and get ready for the ones who did it, and get up and do it again tomorrow. For fuck sake, why can’t I just get over her??
Wow, it’s been a while. It became clear to me I need to write more often as it keeps me sane an helps me remember most of my crazy nights and days better. I have currently moved into long beach California with legend, an life has gotten just a little crazier. I’ve been hired as a physics teacher, and have been climbing all over SoCal which has been amazing. I have also made some great friends through TFA and climbing. I am about to begin a road trip next Monday across the country to get my car out here and I can’t wait. Myself and an old friend/ crush whom I will call Alice, who has decided to come with me. I will be updating with lots of photos for the page. I can begin to describe the experience of being a transplant, I just hope it continues to stay that way.
— Frank Hurbert. Dune
For the record, I honestly don’t give a fuck how much cock you suck. Suck a thousand cocks. Suck a million cocks. There’s no such thing as a slut. That’s just a lie they told you born out of male anxiety. Anxiety about adultery and misattributed paternity.
Sex isn’t sinful either, though you can trace a lot of sexual repression and misogyny back to the Abrahamic religions. Before Emperor Constantine tried to replace the pagan religions with Christianity, they used to have sex in church. Sacred prostitution. Happened a lot in Mesopotamia, for example. And the Mesopotamians weren’t stupid either. They invented the fucking wheel.
It’s your body to do with as you please. If anyone tries to dictate a dick limit to you, they’re trying to take ownership of your body. And that’s slavery. If they call you a slut, that’s slavery. And I refuse it. Suck an infinite number of cocks for all I care. Just enjoy it."
1974 The Great Gatsby trailer, using the soundtrack to 2013’s Gatsby trailer.
I can’t tell you this story has a happy ending as it has not been written yet. It is constantly evovling, and may never be done, but I will tell you the story as much as I have known it.
Love is one of the most powerful things in the universe, and very messy. As the the Hitchhikers Guide has this to say on the subject of love, “Avoid if at all possible.” This has been something I just can not do. Especially when it has grown stronger and stronger every year since the first time I saw her. Yet, there has never been a thing I could do since we moved away from each other 5 years ago.
When I first met her we were at a football game in high school. I had met her through friends, and that was that. We dated for a short while later, she was my first kiss. The one thats special, and it couldn’t have been more perfect, a short kiss on her front porch after our first date, no tongue. It lasted a week, nothing more. Apparently I was given a test, to see if I would fight for her, and being my first girlfriend, naturally I failed.
Over the next few years, she would date some assholes who did nothing but cheat on her, be assholes, or leave her for some stupid reason. All the while, I have moved on with my life, experiencing my own heart break, but we always come back to each other in times of heartbreak and dispair. We have always been a person the other could rely on to vent, to ask for advice, to talk too. Every once in a while it could have been more, but time and distance have always been against us.
As the world turns faster and we grow older, I can’t help but wonder where we will end up next. At the moment it looks like further apart. Alaska and LA are a long ways away, yet over this year, I feel like our hearts have only grown closer. And this leaves me at today.
I was talking to legend the other day, and he and I have had our share of turmoil this year, as far as ladies go, and he said to me, listen to the advice my sister gave me about this girl I wanted to be with. “CHANGE IT.” If you want them bad enough, and their worth the fight, change it. Not at the moment, because neither of us should ruin our lives when were 23 chasing after someone, but make it happen. I know it wont happen today, tomorrow, or maybe even in the next 2 years, but I will find a way.
This girl is someone whom I would give everything I had and more, someone I have essentially given my soul too. Yet, the cosmos have deemed that I don’t get my second chance at perfection. I just want a chance. Not a definite yes, just a chance, to have that perfect person back in my life and to call her my own.
Everything happens for a reason, and I hold to this truth. The dreams I’ve had of future events, of past events, of what is to come, tells me my future is decided already, and though I feel like I am making decisions, they are only logical outcomes of the events of my life. It only takes a small nudge to accept a radical notion. I have not seen what will happen with this girl, I hope greatness, love and eternity, but I may never know.
I wish I could tell you my story has a happy ending, I wish I could tell you it has an ending. Sadly thats just not the way things are. Yet, what will tell you what you should do, change it.
I can get this out of my head, and neither should you.
When I was young, I both sang in chorus, as well as played the alto and Tenor Saxophone. When I was doing this I was running and had immense lung capacity, I could hold my breath for almost 2 minutes back then. This was all before I smoked hookahs, my tobacco pipe, and cigars on a 1-2 times a month basis, not each one 1-2 times but all togehter once a month. I never realized how much of a change it can make in your ability to breathe. Back then my asthma never hurt, I never felt winded, I could just breathe easy and soundly all day, and all night. I miss that ability.
Currently my lung capacity is no where near to what it once was. My breathe holding abiltiy has decreased to a minute easy, but still, that second minute looks like Everest. I’m not sure how this came into my mind, but I think it comes with all the heavy thought and melodramatic sighs I’ve been doing in the past week or so. I guess thats what you get for, as my dad put it, “throwing one of the good ones back.” God does that sting to hear from your father. Not, I’m sorry it didn’t work out, or Time changes and you move on. Something of the tone of “What the Fuck??” I guess we don’t all get to decide when life will be perfect, or when we take our chances, or leaps of faith. I hate that in some cases, both parties of a relationship once broken, feel pain, sorrow and depression. The relationships that are hardest to end are the ones you don’t want to accept are destructive.
As I move on from this event I have begun to try and breathe easier now that the mighty blow has been given, and I sit cracked and incomplete. Pieces missing, some heart, some sole, and still half a lung short. As I try to take those deep breathes their just not as deep as I want them to be. So I guess its back to the drawing board, LA, the World, and anything else that comes up. I think when I move, I may try and pick up saxophone again, as well as continue running through the streets in nothing but short shorts, and a pair of shoes. God does it feel good to have the cool air of the morning fill your lungs like the first time you could breathe on your own.